My good friend Brian (who i call B) likes drinking beer as much as the next guy. One night i decided to have a bunch of people over and we could party it up. I invite lots of people, B included. Everythings going great, everyones having fun, we saw a few boobs, what more could we ask for.
Travis wanted to fuck some girl there so he was trying everything he could to get closer to this girl, so he decides we should do belly shots. Well me being a beer drinker, I have very little hard liquor in my house
I went to find something for him and all i had was vanilla vodka and george dickle that glenn left at my house from new years eve, a good 9 months before.
He chose the george dickle and he finally talked the girl into it and they did that a few times.
There was probably 5 more shots left in this bottle and B goes let me see that, im gonna chug it. I go i got a better idea, why dont you bong it. So he's like alright and bongs the 5 shots.
Then we all decide to bong some beers and B bongs 2 or 3 beers.
After a couple minutes B announces "Hey nick isnt here (at his downstairs apartment) lets go party down there!"
alright, everyone goes down, we dont really know why, we were having fun, but we just went with it.
We get down there and everyone is just chillin. Travis is on the couch mackin on the same girl still when B yells something at him
Travis turns around and very jokingly yells Fuck you B
B's like what did you say
so he repeats it and B repeats what did you say again
they do this like 5 times for whatever reason
B gets pissed and storms into the kitchen. Im not really sure what he was doing because i was scanning through a camera that one of the girls owned and was looking for boobs (ironically all i found was a dick)
next thing i know B says "everyone out"
Me and everyone else are kinda like what.....
then he yells it loud, so then jack tries to calm him down or whatever
B isnt having it, hes mixed beer and hard liquor and thats never a good time when B's around, but we always forget when were drunk
I'm standing up at this point and then he yells it again then tries pushing/flipping a chair, i dunno, i remember he looked silly doing whatever he was doing but he was very angry now
one girl was still sitting at the table that was covered in like 8 open beers when B decides to flip the table onto this girl
at that point im like grab my brand new case off beer and lets get out of here
some one tried to pick the beers up but B yelled at them not to and get out
its a good thing he said that because if they didnt i sure would have told them not to clean it up
and in case you were wondering B called me the next day an appologized
and if you were wondering about the other thing, yes travis fucked that girl that night too
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Mike again
Mike is still a paranoid freak. Nothings changed except im married now and officially related to him.
One night me and the wife and kid were out with him and his wife. He recently added chain locks to his side door on his garage. This pissed off michaela because she used to drop in everyonce in a while to grab something and every other door already had chain locks on them so this was her one entrance.
Michaela started going off about how she was mad about this. Mikes response was that it was a security precaution. Which i can understand,being the schitzo he is thinking the entire world is after him and all his great possessions he doesnt own.
So I'm listening in to get all the details before I say anything. Finally I say
"Mike do you head deadbolts on your doors that you lock also"
"well of course"
"Well I hate to tell you but if i burglar can get passed a deadbolt, a chain lock wont do a single thing, I can ram my shoulder into a door with a chain lock and break it off no problem"
"well it'll atleast give me a little extra time to be on the defense"
"well didnt you just say you only lock it when you are gone, and you dont have any weapons in the house, i dont think a guy that can bust through a deadbolt or a chain lock will have any problem taking you out"
I dont quiet remember what he said after that but he still believed he was in the right and that no burglar could ever get in their house now
He lives in a great little neighborhood, all the neighbors have kids 12 and under,its a big family neighborhood. Im a little naive but for one, i dont see many burglaries going down in that neighborhod. and two, my parents live in a neighborhood that is almost all old people chillin, enjoying retirement.
Last year some one broke into one of the houses in the night, tied up the people inside and stole tons of shit.
What did my parents do? You guessed it, they didnt buy a chain lock for their doors
they bought a whole security system like anyone with a fucking brain would
A burglar might come up to a door thats locked and say fuck, i dont want to make lots of noise pounding at this door, so they will find a secluded window and bust that open. whats a chain lock protecting then?
if you have a security system alarms would still go off
mike is a retard
One night me and the wife and kid were out with him and his wife. He recently added chain locks to his side door on his garage. This pissed off michaela because she used to drop in everyonce in a while to grab something and every other door already had chain locks on them so this was her one entrance.
Michaela started going off about how she was mad about this. Mikes response was that it was a security precaution. Which i can understand,being the schitzo he is thinking the entire world is after him and all his great possessions he doesnt own.
So I'm listening in to get all the details before I say anything. Finally I say
"Mike do you head deadbolts on your doors that you lock also"
"well of course"
"Well I hate to tell you but if i burglar can get passed a deadbolt, a chain lock wont do a single thing, I can ram my shoulder into a door with a chain lock and break it off no problem"
"well it'll atleast give me a little extra time to be on the defense"
"well didnt you just say you only lock it when you are gone, and you dont have any weapons in the house, i dont think a guy that can bust through a deadbolt or a chain lock will have any problem taking you out"
I dont quiet remember what he said after that but he still believed he was in the right and that no burglar could ever get in their house now
He lives in a great little neighborhood, all the neighbors have kids 12 and under,its a big family neighborhood. Im a little naive but for one, i dont see many burglaries going down in that neighborhod. and two, my parents live in a neighborhood that is almost all old people chillin, enjoying retirement.
Last year some one broke into one of the houses in the night, tied up the people inside and stole tons of shit.
What did my parents do? You guessed it, they didnt buy a chain lock for their doors
they bought a whole security system like anyone with a fucking brain would
A burglar might come up to a door thats locked and say fuck, i dont want to make lots of noise pounding at this door, so they will find a secluded window and bust that open. whats a chain lock protecting then?
if you have a security system alarms would still go off
mike is a retard
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Chris 2
GOT MY BFF BACK!
so i went to the dropkick murphys show on tuesday
i spotted who i thought was chris during the second band,he was wearing glasses and a backwards cap
i couldnt spot him any more after that though
then during the dropkicks set,i finally saw him again,shirt already off and a shoe in his hand
i was gonna wait for him to see me but he seemed pretty wasted so i decided to get his attention,i smacked him chest a few times but i guess he was really into the song and didnt even look my way
i thought he was mad at me and was ignoring me
so a little bit later i saw him again and rubbed his hair/head,this time he saw me and was over joyed
he said something to me about how he already lost his shoe (he loses a shoe every show,i dunno why he doesnt just tie his laces tighter)
i saw him a few more times then during the last few songs i couldnt find him
after the show i walked out side and saw him,he was on the phone so i just smacked his chest and said later
he stopped me and told me to come back and he asked me to go inside and get his jacket b/c he got kicked out
so i found the only lone jacket in the place and brought it out,turns out it wasnt his,but he took it anyway
after a little more chatting he proceeded to punch me in the stomach
chris:what the hell
me:what?!
chris:you know what
me:are you still mad about that
chris:fuck yeah dude im pissed,why did you do that shit
me:it was hilarious how mad you were getting,like right now
he then said some shit about the girl and how he would have kept talking to her but he hasnt since i guess she was pissed or whatever
then i told him it was pointless b/c shes from boston and shes ugly
so it turned out better than i expected
he was both still mad at me and still wanted to be my friend
so i went to the dropkick murphys show on tuesday
i spotted who i thought was chris during the second band,he was wearing glasses and a backwards cap
i couldnt spot him any more after that though
then during the dropkicks set,i finally saw him again,shirt already off and a shoe in his hand
i was gonna wait for him to see me but he seemed pretty wasted so i decided to get his attention,i smacked him chest a few times but i guess he was really into the song and didnt even look my way
i thought he was mad at me and was ignoring me
so a little bit later i saw him again and rubbed his hair/head,this time he saw me and was over joyed
he said something to me about how he already lost his shoe (he loses a shoe every show,i dunno why he doesnt just tie his laces tighter)
i saw him a few more times then during the last few songs i couldnt find him
after the show i walked out side and saw him,he was on the phone so i just smacked his chest and said later
he stopped me and told me to come back and he asked me to go inside and get his jacket b/c he got kicked out
so i found the only lone jacket in the place and brought it out,turns out it wasnt his,but he took it anyway
after a little more chatting he proceeded to punch me in the stomach
chris:what the hell
me:what?!
chris:you know what
me:are you still mad about that
chris:fuck yeah dude im pissed,why did you do that shit
me:it was hilarious how mad you were getting,like right now
he then said some shit about the girl and how he would have kept talking to her but he hasnt since i guess she was pissed or whatever
then i told him it was pointless b/c shes from boston and shes ugly
so it turned out better than i expected
he was both still mad at me and still wanted to be my friend
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Jesus is hip
found some old pictures me and a couple of friends did a few years ago
dont remember what inspired us to do these but here they are
sorry for the shitty quality,i dont have a scanner,i just took a picture of them
just wanna point out the awesome D+ on his religion paper,and the flip up shades
dont remember what inspired us to do these but here they are
sorry for the shitty quality,i dont have a scanner,i just took a picture of them
just wanna point out the awesome D+ on his religion paper,and the flip up shades
Friday, October 24, 2008
Dear Hallmark,
today is the begining of the end for you
today at work,i was told it was a co-workers birthday
i had to scramble to find a gift for her
shes sensitive about her weight so candy or food in general is out of the question
its too late to go to the store since im already at work
only one option,i had to make a card,but i couldnt find any paper around (weird since i work in an office)
so i grabbed the nearest paper item-a paper towel
i quickly draw a generic cover,but me being me,i had to do something creative for the inside
then it hit me,ill make this a duel purpose card,not only is it a birthday card,but its also a paper towel!
perfect for cleaning those messes the morning after
everyone at work told me this was awesome and that i should really market these
i figure i can go buy a roll of paper towels for a dollar or two,then sell the cards for .50 each,i can make profit in no time and ill quickly become the new THING around town
see ya at the bank suckers
(ps,this also triples as toilet paper!)
today at work,i was told it was a co-workers birthday
i had to scramble to find a gift for her
shes sensitive about her weight so candy or food in general is out of the question
its too late to go to the store since im already at work
only one option,i had to make a card,but i couldnt find any paper around (weird since i work in an office)
so i grabbed the nearest paper item-a paper towel
i quickly draw a generic cover,but me being me,i had to do something creative for the inside
then it hit me,ill make this a duel purpose card,not only is it a birthday card,but its also a paper towel!
perfect for cleaning those messes the morning after
everyone at work told me this was awesome and that i should really market these
i figure i can go buy a roll of paper towels for a dollar or two,then sell the cards for .50 each,i can make profit in no time and ill quickly become the new THING around town
see ya at the bank suckers
(ps,this also triples as toilet paper!)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
chris
chris blume, where to start with this clown
oh theres a good start, hes the kid who wore an icp shirt in 7th grade, its a good thing i didnt have the knowledge and hate for that band and their following at that time or i may never have had any of these awesome stories to share
ive known him since 5th of 6th grade as a friend,but it wasnt til high school that we got to be real good friends,he had a girlfriend starting freshman or sophomore year named liz,she was ugly and so was he,but for some reason they thought each other were the two hottest people on the planet and they would constantly make out in public and even in the company of just us friends
my earliest creepy story was in 8th grade where he wrote some stories about raping another girl in our class. he ended up getting caught but i guess nothing ever happened. i dunno if the girl ever found out about it,but i have a feeling she didnt.
back to him and liz,they were going pretty steady for a long time (2 1/2-3 years) when liz ended up pregnant. we never knew about this til after they broke up (soon after she got pregnant) when one night a drunk chris told us how she gave her self an abortion with a screw driver (when i heard this i walked in to the other room and returned with a 2 foot long screw driver and asked him if it looked like this one)
just a year ago liz told me that story was bs and that chris actually beat her to make her miscarriage
either way i think the real story is hiliarious which ever it may be
after they broke up chris went through this phase where he didnt shower any more and he wore the same cloths every day (probably the cloths he was wearing when they broke up so he could remember her better)
he would come to school and pick at the mold growing on his cloths, he was a pretty sick dude
he thinks hes irish,i dunno why he thinks this,probably because his favorite band is dropkick murphys.hes seen them probably 10 times. he loves them so much he actually got DKM tattooed on his shoulder.when he goes to a show,its an amazing sight
usually people push or swing their arms or what ever in the mosh pit....but not chris....chris looks like a dolphin jumping out of the sea
its truely amazing,we have all tried to re-enact the dance/mosh but its impossible. this just helps support out theory that he is from the future...and the future is water world. he has no hair on his body(expept his head,but no eyebrows) to help him move faster through the water,and he can swim as fast as a dolphin,seriously he could probably be in the olympics
but anyway, litterally everything he wears is either green,has dropkick murphys on it,or says guinness
there was that time that he put on one of my sleeveless shirts once and said he was going to go home and cut off the sleeves on his shirts
the next time we saw him he had on a button up shirt with the sleeves cut off
oh yeah i forgot to mention he loves star wars,and he almost killed me and my best friend over it
we went to go see episode 3,he had already seen it 10 or 11 times and wanted to go to another city to see it on a larger screen so we were like alright
near the end of the film obiwan kenobi says "younglings' in reference to children
me and jack start laughing our asses off and he gets pissed
he wont talk to us the rest of the movie because we keep laughing the rest of the movie
we get out and he wont talk to us,we get in his car and he wont talk
we start heading home and he is going 90-100mph on a curvy ass road
we tried to get him to slow down but he was pissed and wanted us to die and probably wanted to die himself since he wasnt with liz anymore,luckily we made it back alive
we used to go to this river and jump off the bluffs during the summer,it was fun and what not
til we started making fun of the way chris jumped off the cliff,he basically throws his arms out to the side as wide as possible and his legs are almost doing the splits
once again,he was pissed,he tried telling us thats how olympic long jumpers do it to get further distance,but we were like yeah but you still look like a queer doing it
so we get ready to leave and he wont get in the car,so im like fuck it,me and jack leave
then back in high school he got pissed at eric schaefer one day
eric is probably 9 ft 7,and 74 lbs,but i dunno,im not a physician
chris is trying to be-little eric but he actually stands up for himself this time and it just makes chris even more mad
so he takes his lunch box and swings it at eric,who blocks it,and chris breaks his pinky in the process
he said he was going to sue eric and charge him with assault,but i dont think it ever happened,hes just an idiot for ever saying it though
we arent really sure why,but for some reason when ever he talks to his mom or sisters,he starts talking like cartman from south park
he just gets a really high pitched voice with cartmans accent out of no where
when i first started going out with my now wife,i got a call from chris saying lets hang out,im like alright
but i was also with michaela at the time and we were making out
i told him to meet me at a grocery store,he gets there and tries calling me but i dont answer because id rather make out with a girl than hang with that creep
incidentally he runs into some old high school friends,but they were ahead of the time and were way creeped out by chris even then so they never hung with him
he starts following them around the store and finds out they are going to a party,so he hops in their car with them with out even asking and goes to their party where no one says a word to him the whole time
and on the subject of my wife,who is a photographer,he once asked me if she would take naked pictures of him
i was too creeped out to ask why,but i said no
i imagine he was going to get them wallet sized and just hand them to girls at parties and have his number on the back,kinda like a business card
oh on the subject of that now,after chris and liz broke up chris headed to college where he immedietly started telling me about all these crazy sex stories
every monday he had new stories of this chick he banged
i could probably write a whole blog on these stories,but ill just share my personal favorite
he was just chillin at a party,and he saw this group of girl,he said he went up to the most shy looking girl and started talking to her,oh and i swear to god she looked like natille portman
so they are on the couch talking when all the sudden she pulls out his cock and starts sucking him off in the middle of this room of people
then they head up to a bedroom and start fucking. the way he described it was it was exactly like a porno,they did like 19 different positions, then at the end she didnt tell him to,he didnt surprise her,but she DEMANDED that he cum on her face
well fast forward a year,i randomly get this text from him telling me that he made up all those stories and he wanted to tell me before he left the US to go study abroad in,where else, IRELAND!
so hes in ireland and then he starts texting me these stories about having 3 ways over there with some girls he met from boston (oh thats weird,isnt that where DKM is from)
actually one text said "he banged some hot irish bird and that he is now a legend among his new friends"
my theory is that he fucked a chicken 19 times one night and his friends called him a legend
whatever
then my friend is like "tell him to send some pics of these hot ass babes"
to which he responds with he cant send them or some bs
but i managed to get their names, then we looked these babes up on facebook
well lets just say he exagerated by calling them hot
fast forward to a couple weeks after he gets home
we are drunk one night (not chris,we hadnt hung out with him in a year by this point)and i get on facebook and send one of his hot babes a message that chris had sent me while he was in ireland about fucking this girl and blah blah blah
i forget about it til the next night when i get a text from chris yelling at me for doing that shit
then i get another text telling me i WILL appologize to her
i didnt respond to either,and actually as the week went on i never responded to any of his messages,which go as follows (the first two are from the first night)
-dude wtf,molly is a friend of mine and shes totally pissed at me. you owe her a fucking appology
-im not fucking joking man, i talk to you like that because were friends and im fucking around but shes a good friend of mine as well and she didnt deserve what you did to her. you will appologize
-so you got an apology for my friend yet
-im not gonna let this go,you owe molly an appology for putting that shit up where its visible to her friends and family.you can either send her a facebook message or give it to me and ill pass it along.i honestly dont know what the fuck you were thinking when you did this cause its the most fucked up thing youve ever done to me
-you know you owe me an apology too,im just not stupid enough to ever expect that from you.im still waiting for your apology for molly however.you cant fucking ignore me forever
-you know all you have to fucking do is tell me and i can tell her youre sorry.its not the most difficult thing in the world
-wheres my fucking apology you cock sucker
-you wanna go with me to the dropkicks show in KC without paying for any gas,then tell me what i wanna hear
-if you ever wanna hear me mention anything ever again just get this shit over with
-you realize that wat you did to me is exactly what we did to saggy fat tits and naked girl (*)we did that to people we dont give a shit about,is that what you did
*we found naked pics of these girls,printed them off then put them in an envelope addressed to their parents and put them in their mailbox
after the last text we were out at a bar and i was telling my friend about all this,so he ends up texting chris some shit,i dont remember what he said since i was drunk,but i got a text from chris like 5 minutes later saying like "you told other people about all this shit? something something something. we arent friends anymore!"
i havent heard from him since,but some friends saw him at a show the other night and i found out he was going to be at the dropkick murphys show coming up.....which my wife got me tickets for last week
so a good story is sure to come
oh theres a good start, hes the kid who wore an icp shirt in 7th grade, its a good thing i didnt have the knowledge and hate for that band and their following at that time or i may never have had any of these awesome stories to share
ive known him since 5th of 6th grade as a friend,but it wasnt til high school that we got to be real good friends,he had a girlfriend starting freshman or sophomore year named liz,she was ugly and so was he,but for some reason they thought each other were the two hottest people on the planet and they would constantly make out in public and even in the company of just us friends
my earliest creepy story was in 8th grade where he wrote some stories about raping another girl in our class. he ended up getting caught but i guess nothing ever happened. i dunno if the girl ever found out about it,but i have a feeling she didnt.
back to him and liz,they were going pretty steady for a long time (2 1/2-3 years) when liz ended up pregnant. we never knew about this til after they broke up (soon after she got pregnant) when one night a drunk chris told us how she gave her self an abortion with a screw driver (when i heard this i walked in to the other room and returned with a 2 foot long screw driver and asked him if it looked like this one)
just a year ago liz told me that story was bs and that chris actually beat her to make her miscarriage
either way i think the real story is hiliarious which ever it may be
after they broke up chris went through this phase where he didnt shower any more and he wore the same cloths every day (probably the cloths he was wearing when they broke up so he could remember her better)
he would come to school and pick at the mold growing on his cloths, he was a pretty sick dude
he thinks hes irish,i dunno why he thinks this,probably because his favorite band is dropkick murphys.hes seen them probably 10 times. he loves them so much he actually got DKM tattooed on his shoulder.when he goes to a show,its an amazing sight
usually people push or swing their arms or what ever in the mosh pit....but not chris....chris looks like a dolphin jumping out of the sea
its truely amazing,we have all tried to re-enact the dance/mosh but its impossible. this just helps support out theory that he is from the future...and the future is water world. he has no hair on his body(expept his head,but no eyebrows) to help him move faster through the water,and he can swim as fast as a dolphin,seriously he could probably be in the olympics
but anyway, litterally everything he wears is either green,has dropkick murphys on it,or says guinness
there was that time that he put on one of my sleeveless shirts once and said he was going to go home and cut off the sleeves on his shirts
the next time we saw him he had on a button up shirt with the sleeves cut off
oh yeah i forgot to mention he loves star wars,and he almost killed me and my best friend over it
we went to go see episode 3,he had already seen it 10 or 11 times and wanted to go to another city to see it on a larger screen so we were like alright
near the end of the film obiwan kenobi says "younglings' in reference to children
me and jack start laughing our asses off and he gets pissed
he wont talk to us the rest of the movie because we keep laughing the rest of the movie
we get out and he wont talk to us,we get in his car and he wont talk
we start heading home and he is going 90-100mph on a curvy ass road
we tried to get him to slow down but he was pissed and wanted us to die and probably wanted to die himself since he wasnt with liz anymore,luckily we made it back alive
we used to go to this river and jump off the bluffs during the summer,it was fun and what not
til we started making fun of the way chris jumped off the cliff,he basically throws his arms out to the side as wide as possible and his legs are almost doing the splits
once again,he was pissed,he tried telling us thats how olympic long jumpers do it to get further distance,but we were like yeah but you still look like a queer doing it
so we get ready to leave and he wont get in the car,so im like fuck it,me and jack leave
then back in high school he got pissed at eric schaefer one day
eric is probably 9 ft 7,and 74 lbs,but i dunno,im not a physician
chris is trying to be-little eric but he actually stands up for himself this time and it just makes chris even more mad
so he takes his lunch box and swings it at eric,who blocks it,and chris breaks his pinky in the process
he said he was going to sue eric and charge him with assault,but i dont think it ever happened,hes just an idiot for ever saying it though
we arent really sure why,but for some reason when ever he talks to his mom or sisters,he starts talking like cartman from south park
he just gets a really high pitched voice with cartmans accent out of no where
when i first started going out with my now wife,i got a call from chris saying lets hang out,im like alright
but i was also with michaela at the time and we were making out
i told him to meet me at a grocery store,he gets there and tries calling me but i dont answer because id rather make out with a girl than hang with that creep
incidentally he runs into some old high school friends,but they were ahead of the time and were way creeped out by chris even then so they never hung with him
he starts following them around the store and finds out they are going to a party,so he hops in their car with them with out even asking and goes to their party where no one says a word to him the whole time
and on the subject of my wife,who is a photographer,he once asked me if she would take naked pictures of him
i was too creeped out to ask why,but i said no
i imagine he was going to get them wallet sized and just hand them to girls at parties and have his number on the back,kinda like a business card
oh on the subject of that now,after chris and liz broke up chris headed to college where he immedietly started telling me about all these crazy sex stories
every monday he had new stories of this chick he banged
i could probably write a whole blog on these stories,but ill just share my personal favorite
he was just chillin at a party,and he saw this group of girl,he said he went up to the most shy looking girl and started talking to her,oh and i swear to god she looked like natille portman
so they are on the couch talking when all the sudden she pulls out his cock and starts sucking him off in the middle of this room of people
then they head up to a bedroom and start fucking. the way he described it was it was exactly like a porno,they did like 19 different positions, then at the end she didnt tell him to,he didnt surprise her,but she DEMANDED that he cum on her face
well fast forward a year,i randomly get this text from him telling me that he made up all those stories and he wanted to tell me before he left the US to go study abroad in,where else, IRELAND!
so hes in ireland and then he starts texting me these stories about having 3 ways over there with some girls he met from boston (oh thats weird,isnt that where DKM is from)
actually one text said "he banged some hot irish bird and that he is now a legend among his new friends"
my theory is that he fucked a chicken 19 times one night and his friends called him a legend
whatever
then my friend is like "tell him to send some pics of these hot ass babes"
to which he responds with he cant send them or some bs
but i managed to get their names, then we looked these babes up on facebook
well lets just say he exagerated by calling them hot
fast forward to a couple weeks after he gets home
we are drunk one night (not chris,we hadnt hung out with him in a year by this point)and i get on facebook and send one of his hot babes a message that chris had sent me while he was in ireland about fucking this girl and blah blah blah
i forget about it til the next night when i get a text from chris yelling at me for doing that shit
then i get another text telling me i WILL appologize to her
i didnt respond to either,and actually as the week went on i never responded to any of his messages,which go as follows (the first two are from the first night)
-dude wtf,molly is a friend of mine and shes totally pissed at me. you owe her a fucking appology
-im not fucking joking man, i talk to you like that because were friends and im fucking around but shes a good friend of mine as well and she didnt deserve what you did to her. you will appologize
-so you got an apology for my friend yet
-im not gonna let this go,you owe molly an appology for putting that shit up where its visible to her friends and family.you can either send her a facebook message or give it to me and ill pass it along.i honestly dont know what the fuck you were thinking when you did this cause its the most fucked up thing youve ever done to me
-you know you owe me an apology too,im just not stupid enough to ever expect that from you.im still waiting for your apology for molly however.you cant fucking ignore me forever
-you know all you have to fucking do is tell me and i can tell her youre sorry.its not the most difficult thing in the world
-wheres my fucking apology you cock sucker
-you wanna go with me to the dropkicks show in KC without paying for any gas,then tell me what i wanna hear
-if you ever wanna hear me mention anything ever again just get this shit over with
-you realize that wat you did to me is exactly what we did to saggy fat tits and naked girl (*)we did that to people we dont give a shit about,is that what you did
*we found naked pics of these girls,printed them off then put them in an envelope addressed to their parents and put them in their mailbox
after the last text we were out at a bar and i was telling my friend about all this,so he ends up texting chris some shit,i dont remember what he said since i was drunk,but i got a text from chris like 5 minutes later saying like "you told other people about all this shit? something something something. we arent friends anymore!"
i havent heard from him since,but some friends saw him at a show the other night and i found out he was going to be at the dropkick murphys show coming up.....which my wife got me tickets for last week
so a good story is sure to come
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Mallard Fillmore
I read the newspaper everyday at work,but my favorite part to read is with out a doubt the comics. I cant wait to get to work just to read them.
Ive never seen any comics outside of the jefferson city paper so when i started my new job and started reading the st louis and kansas city papers i became familiar with lots of new funny comics
except one,named mallard fillmore
i go on rants on a daily basis to my coworkers about how much i hate this comic
then one day i decided i was going to write the cartoonist and tell him to quit because he sucked
i was originally going to fill it with cuss words every other word,but then i decided it would be way awesome to get a response from this guy,so i toned it down and hopefully i will get a response from him now.
heres the letter
Dear Bruce,
One day I was reading the St Louis Post Dispatch. I read the comic section going from comic to comic laughing to myself at the crazy antics of Garfield, chuckling at Mr. Bumsted getting fired again and anticipating what crazy scheme Dogbert will come up with today. Then I stumbled upon a strip I had never heard of before entitled “Mallard Fillmore”.
I wasn’t sure what to think about it. It was a political cartoon jabbing at Obama or Clinton. It wasn’t really funny, it just stated an obvious fact about either candidate. Well maybe it was an off day I thought to myself, I’ll read again tomorrow. The next day was another political cartoon, and again unfunny. Cartoonists often do strips with weekly themes so maybe next week would be different.
Monday rolled around again and I headed to the break room to read the comics. Hagar was great as always, as was Duplex and Beetle Bailey. Then my eyes caught Mallard Fillmore again. I couldn’t believe it. Just another jab at Obama. There had to be a mistake at the printing press. They must be meaning to print this comic with the rest of the political comics and it accidentally ends up with the good comics. But days and weeks went by and it was still being printed.
At first I was reading it out of curiosity, but as time went on it was just making me mad. This couldn’t be a mistake anymore, it was just a real bad comic. People read the funny pages to laugh at fictional characters in fictional situations. When they want to deal with real life problems, they read the rest of the paper. The comics are an escape and now they are being invaded by bad political comics.
Months went on and each day my coworkers laughed as I went on rants about how much I hate this comic. Actually saying I hate this comic is like saying Hitler wasn’t fond of the Jews. My coworkers agreed with what I said, but none of them had the hateful passion that this comic burned in my heart. I couldn’t stop reading it because I had to tune in each day just to see how much dumber it could get. But now I’ve had enough.
So now I ask you Bruce, please stop writing this comic. For the good of everyone reading the comics, just stop. If need be I will come up with 50,000 signatures (or 50,000 good comics), but you really need to stop.
Looking forward to never seeing your comic again,
Joseph Fender
Ive never seen any comics outside of the jefferson city paper so when i started my new job and started reading the st louis and kansas city papers i became familiar with lots of new funny comics
except one,named mallard fillmore
i go on rants on a daily basis to my coworkers about how much i hate this comic
then one day i decided i was going to write the cartoonist and tell him to quit because he sucked
i was originally going to fill it with cuss words every other word,but then i decided it would be way awesome to get a response from this guy,so i toned it down and hopefully i will get a response from him now.
heres the letter
Dear Bruce,
One day I was reading the St Louis Post Dispatch. I read the comic section going from comic to comic laughing to myself at the crazy antics of Garfield, chuckling at Mr. Bumsted getting fired again and anticipating what crazy scheme Dogbert will come up with today. Then I stumbled upon a strip I had never heard of before entitled “Mallard Fillmore”.
I wasn’t sure what to think about it. It was a political cartoon jabbing at Obama or Clinton. It wasn’t really funny, it just stated an obvious fact about either candidate. Well maybe it was an off day I thought to myself, I’ll read again tomorrow. The next day was another political cartoon, and again unfunny. Cartoonists often do strips with weekly themes so maybe next week would be different.
Monday rolled around again and I headed to the break room to read the comics. Hagar was great as always, as was Duplex and Beetle Bailey. Then my eyes caught Mallard Fillmore again. I couldn’t believe it. Just another jab at Obama. There had to be a mistake at the printing press. They must be meaning to print this comic with the rest of the political comics and it accidentally ends up with the good comics. But days and weeks went by and it was still being printed.
At first I was reading it out of curiosity, but as time went on it was just making me mad. This couldn’t be a mistake anymore, it was just a real bad comic. People read the funny pages to laugh at fictional characters in fictional situations. When they want to deal with real life problems, they read the rest of the paper. The comics are an escape and now they are being invaded by bad political comics.
Months went on and each day my coworkers laughed as I went on rants about how much I hate this comic. Actually saying I hate this comic is like saying Hitler wasn’t fond of the Jews. My coworkers agreed with what I said, but none of them had the hateful passion that this comic burned in my heart. I couldn’t stop reading it because I had to tune in each day just to see how much dumber it could get. But now I’ve had enough.
So now I ask you Bruce, please stop writing this comic. For the good of everyone reading the comics, just stop. If need be I will come up with 50,000 signatures (or 50,000 good comics), but you really need to stop.
Looking forward to never seeing your comic again,
Joseph Fender
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
